Aches
I have been having quite a lot of aches and pains for a while now, not joint pain but my actual bones. Most things click and when I wake up in the morning I am sore and as I get up a lot of things click. I think it’s time to discuss this with the doctor as it’s actually rather painful. In fact my back has been bad and silly me, I let my older, heavier sister offer to walk on my back and now I think I may have cracked a rib. I am in a lot of pain in that area so I think I may need to get that check out also 
I have been busy the last few days working on some computers, fixing them up and getting them ready to sell. I have upgraded my things and I am a bit of a minimalist so would rather make the space. I also bought a bargain of a computer online and have been trying to fix that, however that one failed me as the hard drive is knackered. Mind you I did some good detective work yesterday after realising there was possibly still a warranty on there. I spoke to Acer then I took a gamble of ringing the business it previously belonged to and jackpot I spoke to the lady who was dealing with it. In fact I got all the details I would need to get the warranty swapped over and today it’s being picked up for repair so, so far so good. Just need to see what happens whilst it’s away as apparently it’s had the same fault previously…
I have been using my cross trainer whenever possible to burn a few pounds and also help me to feel better. After using it yesterday mind you my ribs have flared up again so doubt I will be able to use it today. I am also being a bit more sensible with it too as when I push myself too hard I don’t feel too well after so 45-55 minutes is an ample amount.
The wristbands have been going well, so far about 25 % of them have gone so once I reach 50 % I will be able to give a donation out. So hoping to get some more orders in but not in a mad rush as I am a bit sore and it will happen when it happens.
My cats are over at the person I care for’s flat which is nice for him as he looks after them very well and he also has a garden. I spent a couple of days over there last week but he is still very up and down to be honest. One day he is nice as pie and the next he can be blaming me for everything but I am used to it now. I was thinking of renting my flat out and staying with him but to save up some money but it’s not such a good idea as he can be unpredictable sometimes. I would like to move although in these difficult times I can’t find what I want within my budget so far so I am stuck here for now.
I have pulled away from the place near me that I was helping out, there was never going to be a job and they haven’t been that nice either. I was having some problems there and since I don’t go there so much I don’t feel as stressed as almost a weights come off so can’t be too bad, think they were zapping my energy, lol. So all in all apart from being sore, life isn’t too bad at the moment, the sun is finally starting to show its face which is nice… 
Time Goes By
Time once again seems to be defeating me to get the chance to come on here and write about how thing’s are going. I have been busy looking after the page and it’s growing so well, it makes me really happy, 1500 fans in fact! Something to celebrate as the first milestone was 1000 fans and now halfway towards to 2000 fans, it’s great. The great thing is the more work I and others do then the less stigma there will be towards mental health.
Oh and if you type: Personality Disorder Support Network into Google, the page is now number 5, awesome!! 
I have been keeping busy and the depression seems to be getting better at the moment, for a while it was really dragging me down especially after the dark season. I have been working out when I can and getting out and about a lot which I am sure is helping. My 2 cats always keep me on my toes and I love them to bits, they make my life worth living Every morning when I get up, the younger male one of the two is sitting in a small hallway waiting for me to get up, it’s so cute!
I have been trying to cut down smoking and I have cut down from quite a lot to very few, I am struggling but at the same time I am trying my best. I went to see a football game yesterday, it was great, best of all our team won 6-0!! I think I will be going again as I really enjoyed it and because I am a carer for someone he
gets a great concession….
Stuck Again
I really wish I could find more time to write on here as every time I come back I am annoyed at how long it takes for me to come back. I am just in a place at the moment where I feel stuck and can’t seem to move on. I have talked about my health issues for a while now and they are still ongoing to no avail. The hospital that I am under have been a complete nightmare and just sending me round in circles, just wish I knew what was going on. I talked about having my MRI scan before and not getting my results, all I know is the MRI was normal, that was it, no follow-up. I phoned the hospital and managed to speak to the Neurologist’s secretary and told about all my symptoms, that I would like a follow-up to find out. I went into the hospital and complained to PALS who also called the secretary, who got back to me with no avail. I now have to go back to my GP and get a new referral into Neurology and this has been going on since October. All of it has really started to get me down, the depression has been kicking in and I have been having panic attacks about once a week. Life has just been really hard lately and I am just trying to stay on top of it before it all goes down hill. I have also had dental troubles, had a failed root canal and then and a tooth removed. Since that my jaw has become inflamed and have a swollen temporomandibular joint which has been causing me problems. I just feel like I am falling apart, I ache all the time and my body seems like it’s telling me something is wrong. The fact that I tremble most of the time is not something that I am used to, especially when I lie down it’s really noticeable. Parts of my arms, legs and face keep going numb, I get vertigo, lower back and neck pain is enough to get anyone down. I just feel like my body is attacking itself at the moment which really isn’t a nice feeling. Oh and I forgot to mention the spasm’s I get, it can either be my muscles or I my nerves wriggling around, it’s just horrible.
So I guess I haven’t written much as I feel like I would probably just come on here and moan as the main thing in my life at the moment is my health. The only thing I have been focussing on and the main thing that has been taking up my time. I am still caring for someone although I am just letting him get on with things as he doesn’t seem to change himself anyway. I tried with all my might to help him but things just seem to go the way they always have done. Mind you, with all my health worries, it’s better having someone around rather than being on my own going through this… I think!?
About a month ago we did go back down to Kent for another weeks break which was nice. We were able to take the cats which is what I need and got a bigger room this time. The bigger room meant we had more room and the cats had more space to run about which was nice for them too. We went for some walks, cooked nice food, had some nice meals and had a log fire in the evenings. In fact it was really cold at that time so having the log fire was great and every night I really enjoyed getting it going and looking after it.
The weather being really dark and cold hasn’t been great either, it wasn’t long after we got back that it snowed and we had no sunlight either. Mind you the cats really enjoyed playing in the snow and I had a couple of walks with all my ski type gear on which wasn’t too bad. I have been trying to walk most days to help my mood lift and it’s also good for shedding a few pounds. I also got myself a cross trainer with my Christmas money and I have to say I am very happy with it. The good thing is, its low impact which means it won’t hurt my joints too much which I really need at the moment. I have used it twice and plan on using it as often as I can at the moment in the hope that my mood starts to lift a little. Well I finally had something positive to say, lol and wish I could come on here more to say positive things. Oh and another positive thing is, the fan page is doing great, over 1250 members now and growing. Lots of people in a similar place who are interacting and enjoying the posts so I am pleased about that…..
I look forward to coming back here and writing more positive things here soon.
Not Enough Time
Hello again, where does the time go when you are busy?! Once again it’s taken me some time to get on here, relax and write to you and tell you what’s been happening. My word where do I start…… One of the last things I talked about was, I was having a full body massage. Well, I went to the college and had it and oh my, it was amazing, just what I needed. The therapist was only small but she had good strength and it was an hour and 15 minutes of pure bliss. By the time she was finished I was almost in a trance and didn’t want to move for a while, he he… but eventually I did. The students there are working on hot stones at the moment so I am hoping next week that I can book for a hot stone massage. After my massage I was pretty hungry and the college also has a restaurant that they also train in and guess what at discounted rates! I had my lunch and a coffee there and it’s was all good, spent £13.50 in total with the massage so was a very happy bunny!
Some of my Christmas presents that I ordered on-line have started to arrive so it’s starting to get exciting now. I still have a lot more to come yet however and I did order a few more presents since the last time I wrote on here on the last time. The main thing I need to get next is lots of wrapping paper to wrap them all up. Oh and lots of ribbon and bow’s to make them look all pwetty 
Now onto a rather annoying note…. I was meant to be having my MRI scan last Sunday and was all ready and set to go when on Saturday I got a call. It was about 11am and the person on the phone said my appointment had been cancelled as one of the machine’s has broken down. I was like, could the timing be even worse, I had been waiting and worrying for 5 1/2 weeks and it only breaks down the day before! I told him I was really stressed about my symptoms so if they got any cancellations then I would be willing to go. I didn’t hear anything for a few days so I gave them a call and low and behold my appointment is now on 2nd December. So now I will find out my results a couple of weeks after that, it’s been a horrible long wait. I am still suffering with most of the same symptoms, mainly the dizziness, spasm’s and the tremble’s when I’m laying down. I have stopped drinking squash as it contains Aspartame and most “no added sugar” soft drinks do. Should the outcome be that it is MS then Aspartame can aggravate the illness and has even be known to cause it. What I do know from watching all my on-line stuff is that Aspartame is a kind of poison and really isn’t good for the body either way.
While we are on the subject of films, I watched a good film the other day called “Thrive 111111″ which is all about suppression and how money rules the world. The film gives you a different angle on things and points out how things like free energy and cancer cures have been stopped as people high up like making money. The film show’s you how the 3 main people pretty much control the world, The Rockefeller’s, Rothschild and J P Morgan. Funnily enough I have just checked and all the links to the films have been taken down, if it does come back up again, I highly recommend it.
I have also been trying to work out again and been doing some gentle workouts every couple of days, my mood is slowly picking up a bit. I am going to try to stick to it for a while as I know it helps my mood and as long as I don’t go too mad then it will be fine. When I workout too hard I have found that I feel really ill afterwards so I know that something is going on with me. It’s my birthday next week mind you, so would be nice if I lose a few pounds for that and it will also put a smile on my face.
Apart from that I have a lovely stew on that my 2 cats were watching me prepare, looking forward to that, should be ready in about an hour, yummy!
Tiring Times
Recently I have been really tired which can be a bit of a pain but I am going to try to not let it get me down. The thing is life is pretty good at the moment, I am feeling good about things and I have been keeping very busy and my mind occupied. The page has been going great and new members joining all the time and lots of really good interactions. I had a telephone interview last week with a lovely researcher from: http://www.mentalhealth.org.uk/ which has also got new people coming along to see my pages which is great! The Mental Health Foundation posted links on both Facebook and Twitter so I am a very happy bunny.
I have been having a bit of a tough time as usual with the one I am caring for, same old really but I am not going to let that get me down either. I really try my best to help him at all times but sometimes he doesn’t want to listen and he is having the same old mood swings. Last night he went to his own place which gives me a bit of time and space to myself so can’t complain.
I have been doing a fair amount of exercise recently which is making me feel better also. I have been trying to work out every other day and I notice a bit of difference. Earlier in the year when I was training for my 1/2 marathon I didn’t seem to lose much weight but I was still coming off the anti-depressant’s then. So hopefully if I keep this up then I will lose the weight I have been wanting to lose some and this will make me happier again.
I had my supervision yesterday for the voluntary work that I do, all went well and got treated to lunch again, lucky me! I get on really well with my supervisor and she believes in me which is something that keeps me going. The voluntary work that I do, including this blog and the new fan page also keeps me going, lets keep it like this, onwards and upwards…. :)
Flying
It’s a very happy day for me today, I woke up this morning and my page is flying!!! People are joining fast and communicating on it which is just great. I only published the page just over a month ago and I have worked very hard on it to make it to make it interesting. This blog is also getting loads of hits which also makes me happy and even better than that doing something like this, helping others, helps me. Another page which I would like to mention is: http://www.facebook.com/understandingbpd this page has been going for quite some time although we have a common interest and are connecting.
I have made a few You Tube Videos but it’s now time for me to do one on BPD, I know I can do it and I am sure people will like it. So I guess that’s the next task in hand and it will keep me nice and busy.
I have taken a few days break from exercise as I did 100 minutes the other day and my shoulder has been hurting, naughty me. Mind you it’s not too sore today so maybe I will go and see my friend on my bike which is a fair few miles. As I have said before; exercise really helps if you suffer with depression so however little you do, if you build it up you will feel better.
Right back to work…
BPD Month
Hello all and thanks for reading, it’s BPD awareness month so time to celebrate that we are being recognised! Also time to celebrate the fact that I have had over 700 hits now, very happy as I only started writing in December!
I have been working hard on my new page and it’s starting to pay off, got over 50 fans that now like the page and people sharing on the wall, happy days. I have been researching a fair amount and seeing what’s going on out there for people with BPD. http://www.emergenceplus.org.uk/ is a great page, I did my PD training with those guys.
Life in general is quite good at the moment, I have stuck to working out again and it’s making me feel so much better. I have been keeping pretty busy looking after trouble and trying to fit my friend in who is in hospital. The kittens are keeping me busy also, the female has just been castrated so had to keep an eye on her. Mind you the younger one who is only five months is growing so much and is nearly as big as the older one now. Pets are really good for helping with depression and they give you unconditional love and they certainly keep you busy. First thing in the morning when I get up they are there waiting for you, I have to feed them and clean their tray out. The amount of pleasure and love that I have got from them is unbelievable and they have given me more of a sense of purpose.
Got to go out shortly to change some things so will be back again soon………….
The babies
Stats!
Blimey just had a look at my stats and they have suddenly grown dramatically, happy days! I am not sure where they are coming from but I am happy that people out there are reading this. I am finding doing this and the fan page very therapeutic and they are both growing at a nice pace.
I did have my workout yesterday too, so kept my promise, well almost as was meant to do it the day before. Still I did workout for over 80 minutes so I did well and feel better for it today. A few months ago I eased off one of my tablets although the depression and anxiety have slowly managed to creep back. I am however going to try to fight this naturally and see how I go as my doctor has tried me on so many tablets. I am still feeling much better and my life is so much better than it was before. I no longer crave drink and no longer wish to as I now realise what the consequences are. When you use a substance to damp down the way that your feeling then it only makes you feel worse in the end. I mean I still have trouble with my nervous system due to the amount I drank but hey it never says that on the bottle! The sun is shining right now which is nice, this is also something I would hide from when I was feeling down. I would stay indoors with the curtains shut and I would only go out when I needed more drink and that was hard enough in itself.
Yesterday I went out on the balcony and jet-sprayed it down, that was loads of fun and the water kept my feet cool. I walked to the supermarket and got a load of shopping and walked back instead of using the car. I was going to have a BBQ on the balcony but unfortunately it didn’t happen as but that’s another long story. I put up the parasol and bought a wind chime so it’s looking rather nice out there I must say. Hopefully I will have my BBQ out there later today….
Sundaze
It’s a lovely relaxing Sunday and I am up and about and had my two cups of fresh coffee.
Well I am back on track and had my first work out for a while yesterday and I am aching a bit today. Still I know it’s worth it as I will start feeling better again once I get back into the routine of exercise. I have started working on my new project and it’s been keeping me busy, what better than a support network for people with PD. I know there are lots of websites about PD, but nothing on Facebook so far so I think it will be of good use. The only problem is; Facebook keeps changing which makes it slightly harder to get more fans to your page unless you’re the big brand names. Before you could suggest your page and all your friends also, now you can only share, so annoying.
I have spent the last year working on pages as a volunteer and doing this has really helped me a lot. I have kept myself busy going to meetings and researching online to find out what’s going on. I also take part in a meeting at my local DAAT which is the alcohol alliance and get a chance to have my say there also. The more I do the better I feel as it doesn’t allow my mind to run wild and think of all the miserable things happening around me. Take the world for example, the earthquake in Japan and the war in Libya, the more you watch the worse you feel. So only keep an eye on it now rather than watching to see what’s going to happen next if you get my drift?
Today I am going over to visit my sister and fix her computer for her so looking forward to seeing her. I don’t see my sister that often as she a very busy PR lady and lives a fair distance away. I can’t have another workout today as my muscles ache but will make darn sure I do tomorrow….
Pain
I have been in a fair bit of pain for most of the week so no training has been going on. It makes me feel a little sad as my training is what make’s me feel so much better and I have to ease off of it for a while. Going to watch what I eat as much as I can and try and drink 3 cups of green tea per day. I am trying to lose some weight you see and without all the exercise I’ve been doing then I am not going to get anywhere. I have completely stopped one of my medication’s now which I believe is partially to blame for my weight gain. I guess only time will tell if that was the main source of the problem but I am hoping that it was.
I said I was going to pamper myself this weekend but so far I have only had a go on my shiatsu foot massager. Mind you it’s great, it’s electronic and heats up with infra-red and after you feel so much more relaxed. I have stayed in mind you and took it easy because of the pain and I have spent some time looking for new cars. I can’t really make my mind up what I want, apart from small, economical, but one that look’s nice too. As I said before if I do change car then I am really going to miss my little one.
So to add to the pain, someone I’ve known for a long time from the past told me today that he’s going to be a Dad in April. Bit of a kick to the stomach and a bit of a long story to explain but was pretty gutted to hear the news.
Got a fair bit to do this week so should keep me nice and busy, just hope it isn’t too long till I can have another workout.
So all in all I hope this week is better than the last as I’ve been on a bit of a good roll recently and I have been happy with the balance.
