The New PDSN Wristbands
Well life hasn’t been too great this last few months and I have been really down and struggling to be honest. I got close to someone who completely turned me over and has now disappeared to another country for 3 months. I was helping out at a place close to where I live and they also took advantage of my good nature so not good on all fronts. I am not very good with Christmas and because I was down, January was much of a blur which then spilled into February. Finally in the last few weeks I have started to feel better and pick up a bit. I started using my cross trainer and getting out for walks which has helped me.
Still on the upside I took a gamble and decided to get some more wristbands as a few people have been asking about them. I chose a new colour and design and also to make them a bit more male friendly. 
Since their arrival on Monday I have been taking orders and getting them sent out which has kept me nice and busy. Once enough orders have come in to get the costings back I will be making donations again to Mental Health / PD related charities as I did before. I enjoy doing this as it keeps me busy, has me running up and down to the Post Office and it’s a rewarding thing to do.
Another positive is; I have not gone off the rails or ended up in hospital so I seem to be managing the lows better these days.
If you would like to order some, you can do so here:
http://personalitydisordersupportnetwork.com/new-pdsn-wristbands/
Sad Times
Well since I came back from my break I have been rather busy but also had a bug on and off for a few weeks. I finally found out what it was this week which was a rather nasty ear infection. So this week I have been trying to rest up and take the antibiotic’s that I have been prescribed. I am on a very high dose of Erythromycin and the side effects are awful, I have even had to reduce the dose. I took 8 tablets on Wednesday and felt ok, but on Thurs I took only 6 and I felt so sick after that. My stomach was hurting, I have been shaking, finding it hard to sleep and been pretty miserable. I went back to my doctors and saw one of the nurses and told how the problems I was having and she wasn’t much help. As I am allergic to Penicillin, this is one of my only main options. I got a call from the receptionist a bit later saying that she spoke to the doctor who said I reduce the dose if I needed to. I managed 6 tablets again yesterday but once again the sickness came on so I stopped there. I am going to do the same today, if I feel sick after my third dose then I will stop there. Mind you the only draw back is I have to finish the course which now means an extra couple of days because I’m a lightweight, lol. Anyway lets hope this solves the problem, as I really haven’t been feeling great and I want to get back to my old self. 
One of my friends neighbour had been ill over the last year and I already went to visit him up the hospital once. Well the last couple of weeks his health took a turn for the worse so I wanted to go visit again. Last Saturday I tried to track down where he was and eventually I did. I spoke to the nurse around 11am and found out he was in ITU so knew it wasn’t good, I asked what time visiting was and she told me 14:30 so that was when I was going to aim to be there. I went to my friends other neighbour as he lives in an elderly block and I get on with most of them. I had a coffee and a chat with then made my way over to the hospital and had parked up outside for around 14:30. When I got to the ward, there seemed to be lots of family standing outside, I saw his brother and called him over but he had tears in his eyes……. Sadly I had missed him by 30 minutes, he had all ready slipped away 
I was really upset as I had brought something up to him and wanted to say what I thought would be my last goodbye. I was really annoyed with the nurse I had spoken to as she could have said just come up and she would have known there was little time left. I asked his brother to pass a message onto my friend and let me know what was going to happen. I spoke to my friend on Wednesday and he told me the funeral was the next day, I told him I was going to do my best to make it there. On Thursday I felt ok enough to go so I got myself ready and headed over to meet my friend to drive us both there. The ceremony was an Indian one so nothing I have ever been to before but I was glad I was there to say my last goodbye. He really was a nice, kind man and it was just a shame that he was taken away at only 60 years of age.
The sun is coming up nice today and I am feeling ok today so going to get out and about and enjoy the last of the hot weather. First I am going to get my hair cut nice and early this morning and hopefully have a nice weekend.
Beautiful Sky
My Break Away
I had been having a bit of a tough time for a while so decided it was time to take some time out and get away some where. I spent two days trawling the internet looking for something cheap and suitable to go. The thing is I have two cats and I find it hard to leave them so I try to find somewhere that accepts pets. I found somewhere last year so knew it would be possible so I started looking. The problem was, it was the tail end of the kids summer holidays so everywhere was either booked or expensive. I really did need a break though as my head was starting to spin and I needed to switch off for a while. I persevered and eventually I found a nice place in Kent and guess what… after some persuasion I could take the cats. During the evening I got everything packed and early the next morning we were on the way.
I took the one I care for with us, although he only managed to stay there for 3 days and then he was off back to London. A shame really but that’s how he is and sometimes he can’t handle things or change, so I was on my own, hey ho. Still I made friends with the lady that owned the farm and had a really nice time in the end. I got to see lots and really chilled out and the good thing was, my cats were there with me all the time. My 2 cats have been so good for me with my depression and so on and I have probably said before that they have brought so much into my life.
I had such a nice time there I ended up staying a couple of extra days so I did have quite a nice long break, 10 days in total. I did feel a bit rough while I was down there for a couple of days which was a shame. I also felt quite rough upon my return and today is the first day that I feel I might be over it. I am not sure even what it was, just some horrible bug I have managed to pick up from someone.
Upon my return I had some very sad news… I had been following a young ladies blog for most of the year and sadly she passed away. Rosie Kilburn was such an inspiration and throughout her fight with cancer she was writing a blog and raising money for charity. Rosie’s blog “The Knock On Effect” had over 150,000 hits since she started writing and since her passing it’s almost doubled… http://theknockoneffect.wordpress.com/ Rosie you are no longer suffering and you are now with the angels of the skies, my thoughts are with your family, friends and loved ones… xx
Hurt
I have been so positive lately but then I have had a bad last 24 hours so thought I would write down how I was feeling. I just don’t understand how a person that you do so much for can hurt you so much? I have done nothing but help this person and when he gets angry he takes it out on me. You couldn’t even imagine the amount I have done for this person and have continued to do and for some reason he just can’t see it. My whole life revolves around him and even though I am his carer sometimes I wish he would just give me a break. All the time he keeps going on about things from the past and from times when he didn’t even know me. The truth is, its starting to grate on me and is bringing me down so matter if I have been feeling good I am now feeling sad.
It’s hard to deal with any of these kinds of things having this disorder let alone than to have it thrown in your face all the time. I have been strong for a while but decided to come home and get some time out. It’s hard work too as I have to pack up the cats, their stuff, my stuff and then carry it all up the stairs. So for tonight I feel sad but tomorrow is a new day and lets hope it’s a better one.
Pain
I have been in a fair bit of pain for most of the week so no training has been going on. It makes me feel a little sad as my training is what make’s me feel so much better and I have to ease off of it for a while. Going to watch what I eat as much as I can and try and drink 3 cups of green tea per day. I am trying to lose some weight you see and without all the exercise I’ve been doing then I am not going to get anywhere. I have completely stopped one of my medication’s now which I believe is partially to blame for my weight gain. I guess only time will tell if that was the main source of the problem but I am hoping that it was.
I said I was going to pamper myself this weekend but so far I have only had a go on my shiatsu foot massager. Mind you it’s great, it’s electronic and heats up with infra-red and after you feel so much more relaxed. I have stayed in mind you and took it easy because of the pain and I have spent some time looking for new cars. I can’t really make my mind up what I want, apart from small, economical, but one that look’s nice too. As I said before if I do change car then I am really going to miss my little one.
So to add to the pain, someone I’ve known for a long time from the past told me today that he’s going to be a Dad in April. Bit of a kick to the stomach and a bit of a long story to explain but was pretty gutted to hear the news.
Got a fair bit to do this week so should keep me nice and busy, just hope it isn’t too long till I can have another workout.
So all in all I hope this week is better than the last as I’ve been on a bit of a good roll recently and I have been happy with the balance.
