Well life hasn’t been too great this last few months and I have been really down and struggling to be honest. I got close to someone who completely turned me over and has now disappeared to another country for 3 months. I was helping out at a place close to where I live and they also took advantage of my good nature so not good on all fronts. I am not very good with Christmas and because I was down, January was much of a blur which then spilled into February. Finally in the last few weeks I have started to feel better and pick up a bit. I started using my cross trainer and getting out for walks which has helped me.
Still on the upside I took a gamble and decided to get some more wristbands as a few people have been asking about them. I chose a new colour and design and also to make them a bit more male friendly. Since their arrival on Monday I have been taking orders and getting them sent out which has kept me nice and busy. Once enough orders have come in to get the costings back I will be making donations again to Mental Health / PD related charities as I did before. I enjoy doing this as it keeps me busy, has me running up and down to the Post Office and it’s a rewarding thing to do.
Another positive is; I have not gone off the rails or ended up in hospital so I seem to be managing the lows better these days.
If you would like to order some, you can do so here:
I was a little annoyed with myself this week due to the lack of time I’ve not had to come here and write so while I’m up at 7am thought I would write again… Life has been rather busy for me these last few months but on a good note it’s kept my depression to a minimum as I have been too busy to think or worry. I have been helping out at this little place near me with the hope to get something a bit more concrete in the New Year. I am still caring for the person I’ve been looking after for some time, however he has once again gone down hill which is hard work. For 6 weeks he didn’t drink and he was doing so well but unfortunately he started drinking again about a week ago so it’s going to be a bumpy ride. Mind you he does live at home now although when he drinks heavily he has a habit of just turning up which I don’t want him to do.
I met a new man, I’ve known him for some months although we hit it off about 5 weeks ago now. The only problem is, he is a bit of a handful and as I mentioned before he let me down a fair bit in the last couple of weeks. I was annoyed with him yesterday but as it was his birthday at midnight I could not be horrible to him as that’s not me. I also bought him some nice presents so I am hoping to see him later today to give them to him as I’m sure that he will like them. The problem is he has got a friend who he looks after also but in a different way and his friend is not happy that we are getting along and giving me problems. I have been finding that part of it quite difficult as he gives me dirty looks all the time and has not been very nice to me this week. The thing that’s even worse is that they are going on holiday together for a month on 24th December although I am not sure they will stay for a month. I guess that’s for him to find out as once they are together for 24 hours a day I am sure that he will see that his friend is a nightmare also. I am going to try to grin and bear it for now but it has been draining me to be honest. Also the fact that the previous week didn’t go so well and this week he has been mega busy has been really tough for me. If things calm down next week then I will see if he makes the time to see me and how things go then. I am still very confused about it all but the trouble is I really like him!
Today I am off to see my family to go for a meal for an early Christmas type thing. I have got all their present’s wrapped up and ready for them although I don’t think I will open mine, I will save them for Christmas day. Up nice and early also so can get lots of things done and hopefully have an earlier night this evening… Back with an update soon…
Gosh it’s shocking that I haven’t been on here for soooooo long to come and write to you all and tell you what’s been happening. To be honest though I have been really busy, what with helping out at a little club local to me, being a carer and then having a bit of me time. Still the good thing is, the depression has been better the last few months which is a positive thing and helps with less hours of daylight. The one I care for has been looking after himself a bit more which means that I have been going over to visit him at home. Life is a lot easier now he is not under my feet all the time and I can get on and do things. Plus the drinking has stopped which is good news as that’s when more of the problems start as well. I have taken the cats over to him a couple of times also to stay for a while as I know he really cares about them and it’s company for him too.
My friend that I close with burned out and we only ended up being friends in the end, it was getting a little confusing so we didn’t speak for a while until things settled down. We are back being friends again and he is over for a visit shortly but only as friends which is cool for both of us. I have met someone else recently and we have got close but not so sure now as he doesn’t seem to want to put me first. It was all fun an excitement at the beginning but this week it’s just been let down after let down No doubt I am going to bump into him this evening but I need to put my foot down and let him know I am not a walk over. It’s a pity really as we get on so well but he has a friend that seems to get in the way all the time. It’s not my place to tell him not to see his friend but at the same time he should want to find the time to see and spend time with me. The other dampener is that he is off on holiday for a month at Christmas so that will be tough going if he stays for the duration. I am not sure he will manage it though as he is going with his silly friend who is a 100 miles an hour and might drive him round the bend! So guess only time will tell and this weekend I might find out what’s being going on as well.
I have done my Christmas shopping early again this year and I got some really good deals on line so now its just a case of wrapping. I need to warp them up soon mind you as I want to make sure I have bought enough for everyone and I haven’t missed anyone out.
I will try my best to come back on with an update as the last post was far too long ago. Missed you all and am thinking of you all…. <3
Well I woke up at the lovely time of 5am and woke up to a living room full of feathers, my lovely cats decided to bring me a present. So I had to get to the hoover out straight away and hoover up as there were feathers all over the floor. I am having my morning fresh coffee and thinking about what I am going to get up to today. I took one of my cats to my friends grooming parlour last week as she is long-haired and it helps to get her groomed and looking nice. I am considering taking the other one there today as he has never been although he is different to her. The other cat is short-haired although a groom would do him good as she gets out all the dead hairs. Plus he gets a bath but the problem is he is very timid and he might not even come back in time. The other cat is good with other people but my male cat is quite the opposite, he runs when strangers come in. I guess I am going to still do some deciding but if I am going to go then I need to take him early so any other animals don’t frighten him.
I have so much to tell you and in May I did so many posts but I have been so busy that I haven’t had so many chances to sit down and write to you all. The one I care for court case is finally over and guess what, he WON! Thanks to put input, the solicitor and barrister, the court decided in his favour which was a weight off my shoulders. It was not an easy case to win as in his borough there is a huge housing shortage and the odds were pretty much against him. The case was very long and the first day we were there from 9am to 6pm and it was soooo tiring. The good thing was had a lady judge who was compassionate and the other sides barrister was a bit of a witch and she could see and even stood up for the pair of us in fact on a number of occasions. The barrister brought him to tears at one point, tried to question my ability due to mental health issues and then manipulated him into saying something that was not even the truth. The good thing was the judge saw it and she also believed all of my evidence which was fact to the point where me telling the truth could have jeopodised him somewhat. But that is what I am all about, I tell the truth and that’s how I wanted to be on the day was truthful but guess she respected me for it. I had to tell the court that he had been staying with me for most of the last twelve months or longer and this was because the council had forced us to get rid of a lot of his stuff. Like I said it could have jeoppodused him as the case was about his property but luckily instead of me making up a story I told the truth. At the end when the judge did her submissions, she pointed out that everything I said had helped her make up a picture of what had happened. I am glad it is finally over now as I had been carrying the whole thing on my shoulders and was really tough if I’m honest. The one I care for has calmed down a bit now and has not been drinking as much, the fact he thought he was going to have to leave was impacting him differently. I have also let him stay at his place and been having time to myself which has really been a help for me also. I feel more free at the moment and that I can do the things that I need to do without having him here and just getting on with what I need to to. I have been going over to him on most days, taking his meds and buying him some of the bits that he needs. I am also speaking to him on the phone a couple of times a day also but the peace is very nice.
I have been having some trouble with my meds for some time, I hadn’t been taking a lot but through going through a rough patch for a while I started again. I was only taking a low dose of an anti-depressant and tried to see if it would help again, I tried for about 5 weeks and they did liven me up but they still weren’t right for me. So low and behold I came off of them and am going down the natural route now. I was also trying to come off my sleeping pills, I had been on them for the best part of 2 years and for about 6 months, I was only taking a small amount most nights but just couldn’t seem to get off them completely. Low and behold with a lot of persistance, I have now manage to stop them for a good few weeks now. I feel so much better, I am only taking vitamins now and the odd painkiller for when I get any pain or headaches which I do on occasion. I have been taking a mineral solution that a friend recommended to me and that seems to have helped me quite a lot also. I have more energy now, my head feels a lot more clear and I am just feeling generally better in myself which is something to smile about. I have been getting a lot done and I have been enjoying life more than I have done for while so things more of an improvement for me at the moment. I may have a couple of options for getting myself back into work also, I have wooed a couple of people and will wait to see the outcome. I was going to try and set up a social enterprise but I have now decided against it as I am fully aware of my triggers. Stress being one of them and setting something like that up with the unknown funding factor would not be the right thing for me So as much as it was a good idea, I am learning what is right and wrong for me these days. I am still going to continue doing all of this voluntarily as it’s a great help for me and I get a lot from it and I feel that it is helping others also. So onwards and upwards as the old saying goes and I will keep you posted of all my news…..
PS – I still have a few wristbands left if anyone would like to get order then please see:
Yesterday I was doing some tweaks on the blog and I was looking around and noticed that it say’s 1679 people have subscribed to this blog!! Now I had to do a double take as I am still not sure if it’s for real but when I checked on another browser it was saying the same. So if this is the case, then that is just totally awesome and has certainly cheered me up after a somewhat rubbish weekend.
I bought some prizes yesterday with some of the money raised from the PDSN wristbands and it’s all very exciting! I will be running the first PDSN competition online and have some nice prizes to give out which I feel is along the subject line of mental health. I really am getting so much out of running this project and it’s a joy to come on each day and see how well it’s growing. The bigger the page’s grow then the more awareness there will be and in turn this will help to reduce the stigma. Personality Disorder does sometimes get misrepresented by the media or misunderstood and misjudged my the general public. Gosh a lot of mis’s there, ha ha!
I have been up early again this morning as my little cat Lucky decided it would be nice to wake me up at 04:30! As usual he sits in a box on top of a cabinet by my bedroom door meowing! Should he not get attention from that then he will start pushing the door with his paw which bangs and wakes me up. Little sod, gotta love him but think I may need a nap at some point today……..
Wow what an amazing day yesterday was, it was the first day of BPD awareness month and got an amazing response for the PDSN wristbands. The thing is I hadn’t planned the wristbands for that reason in fact, that was just destiny I guess although the 1st of May was an incentive to then get it done. I was having some problems with Royal Mail’s new pricing structure so I needed to be fair and make sure I got all the posting prices correct until the bands went live. The next problem was getting the payment page to look right, I was having some problems with the text and the photo’s and spent many hours tweaking it, getting it right. Got there in the end, after nearly pulling my hair out, lol, I have a little OCD too so needed it to look good and say what it needed to.
Literally 2 minutes after posting the buying link the orders started coming, I couldn’t believe it and it carried on right until the time that I went to bed. My printing labels wouldn’t work so it meant a little more work printing onto paper and using tape and I had to fill and stamp all the envelopes also. Mind you when we suffer with something like this, there is nothing better than something to keep you occupied and what a great reason also!
So I have my first bag of PDSN merchandise ready to take down to the post office this morning to add the extra postage onto and send out to all the lovely people. Once all the money has been calculated I will be able to reveal more about what will be happening with the profits made from the sale. I made the wristbands slightly cheaper than my original prices so they were more reasonable and also worked out a special offer too. Having said that, there is still going to be money left over which I will be putting to a great cause once I have done all my calculations.
So yes it’s a MASSIVE thank you to everyone that has supported this and also to ALL who are supporting my page’s. I am honoured that people have taken on board what I am trying to do and this will give me the strength to CARRY ON! ♥
Well it’s been a rather strange day for me today, woke up with a terrible bad back and had to go back to bed with painkillers. Woke up later still in pain so took a different type of painkiller this time which was Ibuprofen. I was in so much pain I was thinking of going to the hospital although I managed to sit it out and wait till I went to the doctor’s later. In the afternoon my legs and arms went numb, not sure if it was the Ibuprofen but I felt really weird. Seems to have calmed down a lot now which is a good thing. Although because I stayed in bed until past 1pm I am still awake hence writing this.
The good news is the PDSN Wristbands arrived and I took some great pictures of them and posted them on the page. The great news is that there has been lots of interest and many people want to buy them. I have been building a page so people are able buy them although I need to confirm all of the postage prices. My job in the morning is to go to the Post Office with my first band that I’m sending out and check out all the overseas prices and weights. Many of the fans of the page are from all over the world so I need to cater for everyone. I would have gone today but I felt so really rough so I just concentrated on what I needed to do on the computer.
Tonight there has been an electrical storm followed by a Thunder storm and I managed to catch a bit of it on camera…
Well today I am taking this project to the next level and I am now the proud owner of the PDSN domain. It’s all very exciting and the bundle I got includes lots of extra features to enhance what I will be able to do. I am really enjoying doing this work on the pages and it keeps me busy and in turn is looking after my mind at the same time. It’s been a great week, lots of good things including a post from http://www.mentalhealth.org.uk/ which in turn got us lots of hits, thank you LG.
The wristbands are almost here, I have been tracking them and they are very close now and looks like they will be arriving tomorrow. Fingers crossed as many of the lovely PDSN fans have been asking about them on the page and of course getting the chance to see how they came out.
I had some rubbish news from the doctor yesterday but not going to talk about that right now as nothing is confirmed anyway. I want to stay on this positive buzz for now as that is just how I am feeling…
Time has flown by since I’ve had the chance to come on and talk about what’s been going on in my crazy world. I have been very busy as usual, looking after myself and concentrating on the PD page.
Last Friday I went to the http://www.emergenceplus.org.uk/ first open day and I am really glad that I was invited! I had to travel into London to do so and I am not the greatest with public transport but I faced my fears and so am proud of that. I did drive part of the way, he he but most of the journey was done on the tube and all was fine. The day was great, it was a place where service users, staff and clinicians all joined together to talk about the great work that Emergence are doing. Emergence are also the people who I did my PD training with; which is giving people knowledge and a better understanding of what PD is all about. The day was hosted by Kath Lovell and she did a great job and we also got to meet some of the staff that do a wonderful job with Emergence. The speeches’ were wonderful and interesting and the short play was great, big shout out to Fiona!
Emergence also do a lot of arts and creativity work for service users which I feel is a great to be able to express yourself and how you are feeling. Recently there was a competition and the postcard winners were presented with their framed work which I thought was really nice.
We all signed a pledge which is part of the Emergence’s message which is: Changing attitudes and building lives… which is what we all intend to do. The pledge’s are going to be blown up and put onto a banner so I will be looking forward to seeing it.
I am hoping at some point I can become more involved in what they do as there’s such a family feel about how they all work together. I also look forward to another event like this as it was such a nice day. I had to rush off slightly early as I had my car parked near a station and Friday evening rush hour to contend with. Thank you for such a nice day.
Oh and please support the event on the Facebook page.