Well what can I say, what a horrible weekend that was! Not like me to talk like that but I was in so much pain it was unreal which in turn was triggering my worries and anxiety. I visited the out of hours doctors who were pretty useless and only really got somewhere by today. My TMJ (jaw) joint had been playing up and it felt like someone had their hands around my head and crushing it, it was awful. After that I started to get pain in my groin area which was also extremely painful and the whole time I just could not relax. When I took either Ibuprofen or Co-codamol it just would make me go numb later or give me pins and needles, not nice. I am not supposed to take Ibuprofen anyway as I suffer with a lot of acid and it isn’t that good for your stomach either. So basically I was in pain, my muscles have been going into spasm and I felt pretty rubbish. Yesterday I visited the hospital and finally got something to help me relax and things have started to improve. Because I have been in a lot of pain recently I finally gave in to taking another tablet that I was on many years ago. Started it on Friday and actually starting to feel a bit better today and I am only going to take a very low dose. I even have anxiety about what tablets I take and what the side effects are and so on and so on.
On a better note after I got something to help me relax and had a sleep I was able to make it to the football game I spoke about. I said to the one I care for, “look I will try to take you there but if I don’t feel good or am in pain then we will have to come home”. Well we managed it and it was awesome, we had a front row seat and we stayed seated nearly all the time which also helped. Our seat was so much better this time as we were close to the half way line and we had a brilliant view. What a game it was, we won 3-0 and out team will on our way to Wembley for the final in a couple of weeks! I even ordered a couple of hats today as well, get me, someone that never really liked football before, becoming a fan.
Wristband orders are still coming through and there is only about a third left now so it’s all going great. Everyone has been posting messages about how happy they are or that they are wearing them and posting pics, it’s a real achievement. I guess I should be really proud, need to learn how to pat myself on the back as I am not very good at that…
I went to the doctors this morning and he actually seemed to know what was wrong, I had trouble with my pelvic bone which could be from my back pain. I have got some more tablets should the pain flare up bad again and also a referral to a specialist in July. Oh and I forgot to mention I had a bladder infection so no wonder I felt so rubbish.
So today I am finally starting to feel a bit brighter, I am not in so much pain, I have a couple of answers and my tablets have perked me up a little. Onwards and upwards for this week as everyone has been so supportive and I need to stay with that thought.
I have been so positive lately but then I have had a bad last 24 hours so thought I would write down how I was feeling. I just don’t understand how a person that you do so much for can hurt you so much? I have done nothing but help this person and when he gets angry he takes it out on me. You couldn’t even imagine the amount I have done for this person and have continued to do and for some reason he just can’t see it. My whole life revolves around him and even though I am his carer sometimes I wish he would just give me a break. All the time he keeps going on about things from the past and from times when he didn’t even know me. The truth is, its starting to grate on me and is bringing me down so matter if I have been feeling good I am now feeling sad.
It’s hard to deal with any of these kinds of things having this disorder let alone than to have it thrown in your face all the time. I have been strong for a while but decided to come home and get some time out. It’s hard work too as I have to pack up the cats, their stuff, my stuff and then carry it all up the stairs. So for tonight I feel sad but tomorrow is a new day and lets hope it’s a better one.