BPD Awareness Month
Well it’s that time again and it really has come round fast, last year I was getting ready with the purple wristbands and this year I have the new tri-colour ones. Since the post yesterday I have had some orders come in so have been busy getting them ready to send out later today. I am hoping to get up to the 50% mark soon so I can make a donation and up to 100% when I can make another… 
Time seems to have flown recently, a minute ago it was Christmas, Jan & Feb I felt rubbish and life was not good, however I am feeling much better now thankfully. I have been walking about 20 miles a week and I find that it’s really helping and now the weather is getting better, even better. I have also been eating lots of healthy food, lots of fruit and veg and staying away from take away’s and so on, my body feels rejuvenated. The last few weeks I have been somewhat busy looking after my friend that I care for. My cats have been staying with him and I have also as I wanted to keep an eye on him. Still he’s doing much better than he has been and things are getting a little easier.
I have been working on some computers also, the bargain that I got a while came back although it had to be sent away the first time it came back again. Still I eventually got it back and sadly it was not quite the spec I needed so I just renewed and have got it ready to sell, just need to sell it now, the ads I’ve posted are getting some views. I managed to get another bargain to replace this one and am currently waiting in today for its arrival. It’s actually a really good spec and just what I need so just hope it’s in good condition as the pictures were not too clear and it’s not brand new.
I had a bit of stress a couple of days ago, one of my cats was a bit unwell so I had to take her to the vets and they kept her in over-night for observation. Still she seems ok now and seems to be doing really well so I can sigh a great relief. I love my cats so much and they have helped me immensely, I just love having them around. At night both of them tend to sleep on the bed with me, one next to me and the other at the bottom of the bed, so cute! I never used to let them sleep there for a while due to my allergies although they seem to have somewhat calmed down or I am getting used to them. All good news either way and like I said, it’s just great to have them, they are my family.
The bank holiday is coming up and due to the nice weather lots are getting excited, I so far have no real plans as yet but no doubt I will get out and do some walking. I hope you all manage to stay safe during the bank holiday and also get to do some nice things… I’m outa here for now but will be back to chat some more soon….. 
Oh and here’s a pic of my lovely girl!
Aches
I have been having quite a lot of aches and pains for a while now, not joint pain but my actual bones. Most things click and when I wake up in the morning I am sore and as I get up a lot of things click. I think it’s time to discuss this with the doctor as it’s actually rather painful. In fact my back has been bad and silly me, I let my older, heavier sister offer to walk on my back and now I think I may have cracked a rib. I am in a lot of pain in that area so I think I may need to get that check out also 
I have been busy the last few days working on some computers, fixing them up and getting them ready to sell. I have upgraded my things and I am a bit of a minimalist so would rather make the space. I also bought a bargain of a computer online and have been trying to fix that, however that one failed me as the hard drive is knackered. Mind you I did some good detective work yesterday after realising there was possibly still a warranty on there. I spoke to Acer then I took a gamble of ringing the business it previously belonged to and jackpot I spoke to the lady who was dealing with it. In fact I got all the details I would need to get the warranty swapped over and today it’s being picked up for repair so, so far so good. Just need to see what happens whilst it’s away as apparently it’s had the same fault previously…
I have been using my cross trainer whenever possible to burn a few pounds and also help me to feel better. After using it yesterday mind you my ribs have flared up again so doubt I will be able to use it today. I am also being a bit more sensible with it too as when I push myself too hard I don’t feel too well after so 45-55 minutes is an ample amount.
The wristbands have been going well, so far about 25 % of them have gone so once I reach 50 % I will be able to give a donation out. So hoping to get some more orders in but not in a mad rush as I am a bit sore and it will happen when it happens.
My cats are over at the person I care for’s flat which is nice for him as he looks after them very well and he also has a garden. I spent a couple of days over there last week but he is still very up and down to be honest. One day he is nice as pie and the next he can be blaming me for everything but I am used to it now. I was thinking of renting my flat out and staying with him but to save up some money but it’s not such a good idea as he can be unpredictable sometimes. I would like to move although in these difficult times I can’t find what I want within my budget so far so I am stuck here for now.
I have pulled away from the place near me that I was helping out, there was never going to be a job and they haven’t been that nice either. I was having some problems there and since I don’t go there so much I don’t feel as stressed as almost a weights come off so can’t be too bad, think they were zapping my energy, lol. So all in all apart from being sore, life isn’t too bad at the moment, the sun is finally starting to show its face which is nice… 
The New PDSN Wristbands
Well life hasn’t been too great this last few months and I have been really down and struggling to be honest. I got close to someone who completely turned me over and has now disappeared to another country for 3 months. I was helping out at a place close to where I live and they also took advantage of my good nature so not good on all fronts. I am not very good with Christmas and because I was down, January was much of a blur which then spilled into February. Finally in the last few weeks I have started to feel better and pick up a bit. I started using my cross trainer and getting out for walks which has helped me.
Still on the upside I took a gamble and decided to get some more wristbands as a few people have been asking about them. I chose a new colour and design and also to make them a bit more male friendly. Since their arrival on Monday I have been taking orders and getting them sent out which has kept me nice and busy. Once enough orders have come in to get the costings back I will be making donations again to Mental Health / PD related charities as I did before. I enjoy doing this as it keeps me busy, has me running up and down to the Post Office and it’s a rewarding thing to do.
Another positive is; I have not gone off the rails or ended up in hospital so I seem to be managing the lows better these days.
If you would like to order some, you can do so here:
http://personalitydisordersupportnetwork.com/new-pdsn-wristbands/
Early Birds
Gosh I only went to bed after 11pm and woke up again at 3:30am, 4 hours sleep is not enough, I am going to be tired and grumpy later… ha! It’s been a fairly busy week this week so far, had a lot to get on with which has kept me pretty busy. My car was in for a repair and got it back yesterday so that made me smile, although I haven’t driven it very far yet. Apparently it’s going to be hammering in down with rain later so doubt I will be driving too far today either. I went for a couple of walks yesterday as it was nice and sunny but now with the rain forecast today I doubt I will get to walk. Still I could try to have a go on the cross trainer as I haven’t done for ages and maybe it will cheer me up a bit. Been a bit down in the dumps this week, not for any particular reason, just been feeling a bit flat. I haven’t been sleeping great which I guess doesn’t help and I have had a lot on my mind. We have the judgement on the case later this week for the one I care for so guess that’s been playing on my mind a bit. As I said before, he has been hitting self destruct a bit which is hard as he can take things out on me at the same time. The person that was brining a little light into my life seems to have gone a bit wrong so guess that’s not helping either. Still one of my cats is sitting by the window staring at me with her pretty face and that has brought me a little smile.
I do need to get some more exercise going as that normally makes me feel better. I have been smoking too much again, my attempts at giving up have not gone too well although I am still going to try again. I was in the supermarket yesterday and the lady was giving out some info so I gave her my details and I will be hearing from them soon. A more structured programme has been developed in my area where you get support, advice, stop smoking aids and also groups. Maybe that will help me to succeed a bit further this time as I know I want to do it, I just seem to hit brick walls along the way.
Gosh this seems like a miserable, moan moan, winge winge, post, where has all my positivity gone may I ask… Well I guess, life is not like that and if I only wrote when I was in a good mood then you would only see one side of what life is like. Oh and the rain started coming down now as well, ha, one of the cats wants to go out but she won’t like it. I hope that the rain falls and clears the sky so I get to go out for a nice walk today at some point. I have a fair few things to get on with today and keeping busy is one of the things that keeps me going. So for now, its ciao and will be back with some news soon…………
The Wait
After 7 months of waiting, on Monday the wait was finally over, I finally got my appointment to see the Neurologist again. I made sure we left early and the one I care for said he wanted to come along with me for some support, so off we went. We were not far from the hospital and we were still quite early so we decided to pop into Tesco’s to get a few bits. I still wanted to be quick in there although the one I care for was really taking his time, I asked him whether he was going to have a fit. We got over to the hospital and the story was the same, he was walking very slowly although now he was starting to look a bit vague. I booked myself in and he sat down and I kept looking over, he seemed like he was about to go. I told the lady that was booking me in the he was epileptic and I thought he was going to have a seizure. I was advised to get one of the nurses should he do so and by the time I got to him he was in the trance before the seizure. I had to warn a few people nearby that he was going to have a seizure and one lady helped by going over to get a nurse as I was over him, making sure he didn’t flip about too much. The nurse came and by which time he was starting to fit, the whole room was pretty full and everyone was watching. Myself and the nurse were protecting him, she was in front of his chair and I was behind him. After his seizure, it all went quiet then a couple of minutes later, he had another one, this time, a lot bigger so we had to hold onto him pretty tight. By the end of this one there were more nurses about and they had called for some doctor’s also. The nurses thought it was his appointment today but I had to explain I was the patient, it was a right old palaver. The next thing they couldn’t get him to come round so they had to get a hoist to get him onto a trolley and out of the waiting room. So his timing couldn’t have been better, the appointment I had been waiting for so long had been disrupted by one of his seizure’s. We then had to go off to a room around the back and I had to answer all the relevant questions the doctor’s were asking. I told the nurse’s again it was my appointment today and how long I had been waiting as I didn’t want to lose my slot. After some time, tests and questions the doctors decided to cart him off to A&E and I could have my appointment and then meet him after.
I had my appointment with the Neurologist and by this time my head was all over the place by what had happened. I managed to get through some of my list of symptoms but then he took me into a room to do some general Neurological tests. I didn’t get a chance to tell him the rest and he told me he wanted to stop a couple of the tablets I was taking. Both are very low doses and suggested that I go on this new one and suggested I had some CBT for the anxiety. I didn’t get the chance to ask him what his diagnoses was as I was quite blank from what had happened although he seemed to suggest a pain disorder and a nerve related issue. I have since looked up the tablets he want’s to put me on and they are linked to one of the possibilities I thought I had. I am not best happy about this either as there are some side effects from these tablets which are not the best. I have decided to order some natural stuff which a friend mentioned some time ago and see if this helps in the first place. As I have mentioned before, I have started to get a lot of anxiety relating to taking any kind of medicine and the truth is there are side effects. I have been going through this for the last for the last year and it has really taken its toll on me but I want to fight it at the same time.
I have been doing a lot of walking recently and I have been feeling better for that, it’s a shame I can’t use my cross trainer right now. The last time I used it, I woke up with such terrible back pain I was considering calling an ambulance. The walking has been good and if I get my strength back up and some good results then hopefully I can use the trainer again. I have bought a little trolley also for when I go shopping, which takes the weight of the shopping and the stress off my body. I like to walk to the supermarket rather than drive as its good exercise and now I have my little trolley it will allow me to continue…
Off my trolley
Progress
Well the last few months it’s all been problems with my health one way or another and I still have most of the problems I have been suffering with. On the other hand though I have been keeping very busy and my depression is still much better at the moment. The page is flying right now and the amount of likes and share’s is just wonderful. I really look forward to coming on the page and doing my thing as the responses really keep me going. I have been doing a fair bit of exercise which also helps and getting out and about which occupies my time. I go to see my friend that had a bad illness last year as he live’s in an over 55′s flat and another friend is staying there at the moment. I am also lucky enough to have a roast cooked for me occasionally or something else that he is whipping up. The one I care for has been a bit ill with scarlet fever so I have also been busy looking after and tending to him. Luckily he got treated early but he really has been through it with sun-burnt type skin, a rash and then skin peel. Now he has some cream and it’s clearing up a lot better so hopefully it will be gone by the end of the week, poor thing.
My cats are wonderful as usual, love them to bits and they make me happy and keep me on my toes. My friend had some kittens also, so I have been popping round there and giving her a hand when I can.
The exciting news is I have ordered some PD wristbands and I am just waiting their arrival, seems they will be here in a couple of days. Been lots of interest already and best of all I am putting the profits to a good cause. I want to start thinking of the future of this project and have a few idea’s in place but that’s all I can say for now…
PS ~ I am loving the new blog format
Time Goes By
Time once again seems to be defeating me to get the chance to come on here and write about how thing’s are going. I have been busy looking after the page and it’s growing so well, it makes me really happy, 1500 fans in fact! Something to celebrate as the first milestone was 1000 fans and now halfway towards to 2000 fans, it’s great. The great thing is the more work I and others do then the less stigma there will be towards mental health.
Oh and if you type: Personality Disorder Support Network into Google, the page is now number 5, awesome!!
I have been keeping busy and the depression seems to be getting better at the moment, for a while it was really dragging me down especially after the dark season. I have been working out when I can and getting out and about a lot which I am sure is helping. My 2 cats always keep me on my toes and I love them to bits, they make my life worth living Every morning when I get up, the younger male one of the two is sitting in a small hallway waiting for me to get up, it’s so cute!
I have been trying to cut down smoking and I have cut down from quite a lot to very few, I am struggling but at the same time I am trying my best. I went to see a football game yesterday, it was great, best of all our team won 6-0!! I think I will be going again as I really enjoyed it and because I am a carer for someone he
gets a great concession….
Not Enough Time
Hello again, where does the time go when you are busy?! Once again it’s taken me some time to get on here, relax and write to you and tell you what’s been happening. My word where do I start…… One of the last things I talked about was, I was having a full body massage. Well, I went to the college and had it and oh my, it was amazing, just what I needed. The therapist was only small but she had good strength and it was an hour and 15 minutes of pure bliss. By the time she was finished I was almost in a trance and didn’t want to move for a while, he he… but eventually I did. The students there are working on hot stones at the moment so I am hoping next week that I can book for a hot stone massage. After my massage I was pretty hungry and the college also has a restaurant that they also train in and guess what at discounted rates! I had my lunch and a coffee there and it’s was all good, spent £13.50 in total with the massage so was a very happy bunny!
Some of my Christmas presents that I ordered on-line have started to arrive so it’s starting to get exciting now. I still have a lot more to come yet however and I did order a few more presents since the last time I wrote on here on the last time. The main thing I need to get next is lots of wrapping paper to wrap them all up. Oh and lots of ribbon and bow’s to make them look all pwetty
Now onto a rather annoying note…. I was meant to be having my MRI scan last Sunday and was all ready and set to go when on Saturday I got a call. It was about 11am and the person on the phone said my appointment had been cancelled as one of the machine’s has broken down. I was like, could the timing be even worse, I had been waiting and worrying for 5 1/2 weeks and it only breaks down the day before! I told him I was really stressed about my symptoms so if they got any cancellations then I would be willing to go. I didn’t hear anything for a few days so I gave them a call and low and behold my appointment is now on 2nd December. So now I will find out my results a couple of weeks after that, it’s been a horrible long wait. I am still suffering with most of the same symptoms, mainly the dizziness, spasm’s and the tremble’s when I’m laying down. I have stopped drinking squash as it contains Aspartame and most “no added sugar” soft drinks do. Should the outcome be that it is MS then Aspartame can aggravate the illness and has even be known to cause it. What I do know from watching all my on-line stuff is that Aspartame is a kind of poison and really isn’t good for the body either way.
While we are on the subject of films, I watched a good film the other day called “Thrive 111111″ which is all about suppression and how money rules the world. The film gives you a different angle on things and points out how things like free energy and cancer cures have been stopped as people high up like making money. The film show’s you how the 3 main people pretty much control the world, The Rockefeller’s, Rothschild and J P Morgan. Funnily enough I have just checked and all the links to the films have been taken down, if it does come back up again, I highly recommend it.
I have also been trying to work out again and been doing some gentle workouts every couple of days, my mood is slowly picking up a bit. I am going to try to stick to it for a while as I know it helps my mood and as long as I don’t go too mad then it will be fine. When I workout too hard I have found that I feel really ill afterwards so I know that something is going on with me. It’s my birthday next week mind you, so would be nice if I lose a few pounds for that and it will also put a smile on my face.
Apart from that I have a lovely stew on that my 2 cats were watching me prepare, looking forward to that, should be ready in about an hour, yummy!
Shopping
I was round my friends a couple of days ago and he was asking about my cats so I said to him why don’t you come over and see them and so he did. I brought my friend round and he stayed at mine for a couple of nights in the end and had lots of fun playing with the cats. This is the friend I talked about some time ago that had some troubles with his health with a very serious condition. The same friend that I went to visit at the Royal London Hospital and would also visit him at his place which isn’t too far. The only problem is he makes these noises with his mouth all the time and it kinda stresses me out so was glad to drop him off yesterday, lol. I know it’s mad but kinda got this phobia of those sort of noises or people who are noisy eater’s, etc…. I know I need hypnotherapy or something really as I feel like it makes my blood pressure go up and it’s bugged me for many years.
The last couple of days I have been rather a busy bee also, been getting myself organised for Christmas this year as I did last year. I managed to go online and buy nearly all of my Christmas shopping, I am just hoping that t comes on time because last year was a total nightmare. On the first day I got most of the big things, like the main presents and yesterday I got the smaller ones, the post man is going to be busy over the next couple of weeks, he he. Glad to have got it done though, one less thing to worry about, seen as I have had a lot on my mind lately……
I have my MRI scan this Sunday, yes Sunday, that’s a funny day for a scan but that’s when I am booked in and then another 2 week wait for the results. I haven’t been trembling so much the last few nights although I still have the dizzy spells and the patchy numbness so one way or another hopefully I will find something out. In the meantime however I have started to doing a bit of light exercise which has started to pick me up a bit. Earlier this year I noticed that when I had been doing strenuous exercise I was feeling quite ill afterwards, I am not sure if this linked to what is going on with me either.
On the up side mind you, I am going for a full body massage later this morning at my local beauty college and they do it at very discounted rates. I went last week just to have a back massage and it was really nice and relaxing so a full body and head is going to be great, can’t wait!! I will let you all know how it goes and promise to come on here and write a bit more often……..
Oh and one more thing, I would like to thank Lisa at https://www.facebook.com/mentalhealthfoundation for supporting my blog and posting links to my fan-page and blog. I have passed the 2000 hit count now and for this, I am very grateful and happy!
Just a pretty sunrise
Sorry
I just wanted to say sorry to all of you that read this blog, I have been sooooo busy and just not had the time to write on here and feel rather slack. Well a lot has been happening to say the least, but here I am once again to bring you an update. The one that I care for was going through rather a tough time and I was busy looking after him. I was struggling to get to him eat, take his tablets or comply in any shape or form really. All my energy was consumed in mainly looking after him for some time to be honest and trust me it is draining. All of that now has been taken out of my hands and I am having some respite.
Myself personally, I haven’t been that well either, I started to have dizzy spells a couple of months ago, I would be standing there and the room felt like it was spinning. After a while it was starting to freak me out and I was also having like a crackling noise in the front of my head. I went to see my doctor and she told me I had a bad ear infection and put me on a rather strong course of antibiotics. After the second day the tablets were making me feel so sick that I had to go back to the doctors and see a nurse, she couldn’t help much but I did get a call back later. I was told to reduce my daily tablets, which I did, although I still did feel sick most of the time.
One morning I got up and was having my coffee as usual when most of my left forearm went numb, then the left of my face also started feeling numb. I started having a panic attack as it was freaking me out and once I stood up I noticed my left leg also felt like it was tingling. I waited about an hour as seen as it hadn’t gone away we decided to go to hospital and get it checked out. Initially when I told them the symptoms, I was seen straight away and not long before I had a bed. I must say that Queen’s hospital were rather good on this occasion and treated me like a patient rather than someone with psych problems! Not long after a stroke nurse came to see me and she told me that it was something they would need to check for due to my symptoms. And not long after that a doctor saw me and I explained everything to him and he did a load of tests on me including a CT scan. I had my scan and once they saw that it was clear then they were happy to let me go on the basis that I would go to see the neurologist at the TIA clinic the following morning. The next morning I went to the clinic and funnily enough I was seeing the same neurologist that treats the one I care for. Rather bizarre as we recognised each other straight away and had a little joke about it, lol. I once again had to explain everything that happened step by step and he asked me loads of questions. The neurologist told me he wanted to send me for an MRI but asked me to take a low dose of aspirin in the mean time. The following Monday I was booked into see my GP and had to explain everything once again to her about what happened. I told her about my symptoms and she said to me she thinks it could be and sounds like MS. I was a bit freaked out by then and she said it more than once but she said we would have to wait to see what the scan finds. So as you can probably understand I have been pretty down and also going slightly out of my mind with worry.
So as you can probably gather things have been rather tough for me, also having the long wait for this MRI and the possibility of what could be wrong with me. I was told the MRI would be done within a few weeks, turns out the wait is 4-6 weeks! I still get dizzy a lot of the time, my face goes numb and when I am falling asleep at night I notice myself physically trembling. Oh and loads of tiredness, I am always tired and just put that down to part of the depression before. All of that in itself tells me that something is wrong although I just don’t know the answers right now and it’s still a long wait. I am having my scan in just over a week and then the results take a further couple of weeks to come back. I have however been trying to keep busy and doing some light exercise every other day or some walking to the shops.
I have been busy looking after the PDSN page and glad to see we are over 800 members now and looking forward to reaching the first target of 1000 fans! The page is going really well and we have some great people on there; supporting one another and posting nice things. I am very proud of the people that use the page and make it their own and we don’t have any problems with people saying the wrong things on there either. And just one last thing, I have noticed that this blog has just under 2k hits so that makes me happy and encourages me to write on here a bit more often, wow!!
