Gosh I only went to bed after 11pm and woke up again at 3:30am, 4 hours sleep is not enough, I am going to be tired and grumpy later… ha! It’s been a fairly busy week this week so far, had a lot to get on with which has kept me pretty busy. My car was in for a repair and got it back yesterday so that made me smile, although I haven’t driven it very far yet. Apparently it’s going to be hammering in down with rain later so doubt I will be driving too far today either. I went for a couple of walks yesterday as it was nice and sunny but now with the rain forecast today I doubt I will get to walk. Still I could try to have a go on the cross trainer as I haven’t done for ages and maybe it will cheer me up a bit. Been a bit down in the dumps this week, not for any particular reason, just been feeling a bit flat. I haven’t been sleeping great which I guess doesn’t help and I have had a lot on my mind. We have the judgement on the case later this week for the one I care for so guess that’s been playing on my mind a bit. As I said before, he has been hitting self destruct a bit which is hard as he can take things out on me at the same time. The person that was brining a little light into my life seems to have gone a bit wrong so guess that’s not helping either. Still one of my cats is sitting by the window staring at me with her pretty face and that has brought me a little smile.
I do need to get some more exercise going as that normally makes me feel better. I have been smoking too much again, my attempts at giving up have not gone too well although I am still going to try again. I was in the supermarket yesterday and the lady was giving out some info so I gave her my details and I will be hearing from them soon. A more structured programme has been developed in my area where you get support, advice, stop smoking aids and also groups. Maybe that will help me to succeed a bit further this time as I know I want to do it, I just seem to hit brick walls along the way.
Gosh this seems like a miserable, moan moan, winge winge, post, where has all my positivity gone may I ask… Well I guess, life is not like that and if I only wrote when I was in a good mood then you would only see one side of what life is like. Oh and the rain started coming down now as well, ha, one of the cats wants to go out but she won’t like it. I hope that the rain falls and clears the sky so I get to go out for a nice walk today at some point. I have a fair few things to get on with today and keeping busy is one of the things that keeps me going. So for now, its ciao and will be back with some news soon…………
I have been so positive lately but then I have had a bad last 24 hours so thought I would write down how I was feeling. I just don’t understand how a person that you do so much for can hurt you so much? I have done nothing but help this person and when he gets angry he takes it out on me. You couldn’t even imagine the amount I have done for this person and have continued to do and for some reason he just can’t see it. My whole life revolves around him and even though I am his carer sometimes I wish he would just give me a break. All the time he keeps going on about things from the past and from times when he didn’t even know me. The truth is, its starting to grate on me and is bringing me down so matter if I have been feeling good I am now feeling sad.
It’s hard to deal with any of these kinds of things having this disorder let alone than to have it thrown in your face all the time. I have been strong for a while but decided to come home and get some time out. It’s hard work too as I have to pack up the cats, their stuff, my stuff and then carry it all up the stairs. So for tonight I feel sad but tomorrow is a new day and lets hope it’s a better one.