The New PDSN Wristbands
Well life hasn’t been too great this last few months and I have been really down and struggling to be honest. I got close to someone who completely turned me over and has now disappeared to another country for 3 months. I was helping out at a place close to where I live and they also took advantage of my good nature so not good on all fronts. I am not very good with Christmas and because I was down, January was much of a blur which then spilled into February. Finally in the last few weeks I have started to feel better and pick up a bit. I started using my cross trainer and getting out for walks which has helped me.
Still on the upside I took a gamble and decided to get some more wristbands as a few people have been asking about them. I chose a new colour and design and also to make them a bit more male friendly. 
Since their arrival on Monday I have been taking orders and getting them sent out which has kept me nice and busy. Once enough orders have come in to get the costings back I will be making donations again to Mental Health / PD related charities as I did before. I enjoy doing this as it keeps me busy, has me running up and down to the Post Office and it’s a rewarding thing to do.
Another positive is; I have not gone off the rails or ended up in hospital so I seem to be managing the lows better these days.
If you would like to order some, you can do so here:
http://personalitydisordersupportnetwork.com/new-pdsn-wristbands/
Shocking
Gosh it’s shocking that I haven’t been on here for soooooo long to come and write to you all and tell you what’s been happening. To be honest though I have been really busy, what with helping out at a little club local to me, being a carer and then having a bit of me time. Still the good thing is, the depression has been better the last few months which is a positive thing and helps with less hours of daylight. The one I care for has been looking after himself a bit more which means that I have been going over to visit him at home. Life is a lot easier now he is not under my feet all the time and I can get on and do things. Plus the drinking has stopped which is good news as that’s when more of the problems start as well. I have taken the cats over to him a couple of times also to stay for a while as I know he really cares about them and it’s company for him too.
My friend that I close with burned out and we only ended up being friends in the end, it was getting a little confusing so we didn’t speak for a while until things settled down. We are back being friends again and he is over for a visit shortly but only as friends which is cool for both of us. I have met someone else recently and we have got close but not so sure now as he doesn’t seem to want to put me first. It was all fun an excitement at the beginning but this week it’s just been let down after let down 
No doubt I am going to bump into him this evening but I need to put my foot down and let him know I am not a walk over. It’s a pity really as we get on so well but he has a friend that seems to get in the way all the time. It’s not my place to tell him not to see his friend but at the same time he should want to find the time to see and spend time with me. The other dampener is that he is off on holiday for a month at Christmas so that will be tough going if he stays for the duration. I am not sure he will manage it though as he is going with his silly friend who is a 100 miles an hour and might drive him round the bend! So guess only time will tell and this weekend I might find out what’s being going on as well.
I have done my Christmas shopping early again this year and I got some really good deals on line so now its just a case of wrapping. I need to warp them up soon mind you as I want to make sure I have bought enough for everyone and I haven’t missed anyone out.
I will try my best to come back on with an update as the last post was far too long ago. Missed you all and am thinking of you all…. <3
Progress
Well the last few months it’s all been problems with my health one way or another and I still have most of the problems I have been suffering with. On the other hand though I have been keeping very busy and my depression is still much better at the moment. The page is flying right now and the amount of likes and share’s is just wonderful. I really look forward to coming on the page and doing my thing as the responses really keep me going. I have been doing a fair bit of exercise which also helps and getting out and about which occupies my time. I go to see my friend that had a bad illness last year as he live’s in an over 55′s flat and another friend is staying there at the moment. I am also lucky enough to have a roast cooked for me occasionally or something else that he is whipping up. The one I care for has been a bit ill with scarlet fever so I have also been busy looking after and tending to him. Luckily he got treated early but he really has been through it with sun-burnt type skin, a rash and then skin peel. Now he has some cream and it’s clearing up a lot better so hopefully it will be gone by the end of the week, poor thing.
My cats are wonderful as usual, love them to bits and they make me happy and keep me on my toes. My friend had some kittens also, so I have been popping round there and giving her a hand when I can.
The exciting news is I have ordered some PD wristbands and I am just waiting their arrival, seems they will be here in a couple of days. Been lots of interest already and best of all I am putting the profits to a good cause. 
I want to start thinking of the future of this project and have a few idea’s in place but that’s all I can say for now…
PS ~ I am loving the new blog format
Time Goes By
Time once again seems to be defeating me to get the chance to come on here and write about how thing’s are going. I have been busy looking after the page and it’s growing so well, it makes me really happy, 1500 fans in fact! Something to celebrate as the first milestone was 1000 fans and now halfway towards to 2000 fans, it’s great. The great thing is the more work I and others do then the less stigma there will be towards mental health.
Oh and if you type: Personality Disorder Support Network into Google, the page is now number 5, awesome!!
I have been keeping busy and the depression seems to be getting better at the moment, for a while it was really dragging me down especially after the dark season. I have been working out when I can and getting out and about a lot which I am sure is helping. My 2 cats always keep me on my toes and I love them to bits, they make my life worth living 
Every morning when I get up, the younger male one of the two is sitting in a small hallway waiting for me to get up, it’s so cute!
I have been trying to cut down smoking and I have cut down from quite a lot to very few, I am struggling but at the same time I am trying my best. I went to see a football game yesterday, it was great, best of all our team won 6-0!! I think I will be going again as I really enjoyed it and because I am a carer for someone he
gets a great concession….
Stuck Again
I really wish I could find more time to write on here as every time I come back I am annoyed at how long it takes for me to come back. I am just in a place at the moment where I feel stuck and can’t seem to move on. I have talked about my health issues for a while now and they are still ongoing to no avail. The hospital that I am under have been a complete nightmare and just sending me round in circles, just wish I knew what was going on. I talked about having my MRI scan before and not getting my results, all I know is the MRI was normal, that was it, no follow-up. I phoned the hospital and managed to speak to the Neurologist’s secretary and told about all my symptoms, that I would like a follow-up to find out. I went into the hospital and complained to PALS who also called the secretary, who got back to me with no avail. I now have to go back to my GP and get a new referral into Neurology and this has been going on since October. All of it has really started to get me down, the depression has been kicking in and I have been having panic attacks about once a week. Life has just been really hard lately and I am just trying to stay on top of it before it all goes down hill. I have also had dental troubles, had a failed root canal and then and a tooth removed. Since that my jaw has become inflamed and have a swollen temporomandibular joint which has been causing me problems. I just feel like I am falling apart, I ache all the time and my body seems like it’s telling me something is wrong. The fact that I tremble most of the time is not something that I am used to, especially when I lie down it’s really noticeable. Parts of my arms, legs and face keep going numb, I get vertigo, lower back and neck pain is enough to get anyone down. I just feel like my body is attacking itself at the moment which really isn’t a nice feeling. Oh and I forgot to mention the spasm’s I get, it can either be my muscles or I my nerves wriggling around, it’s just horrible.
So I guess I haven’t written much as I feel like I would probably just come on here and moan as the main thing in my life at the moment is my health. The only thing I have been focussing on and the main thing that has been taking up my time. I am still caring for someone although I am just letting him get on with things as he doesn’t seem to change himself anyway. I tried with all my might to help him but things just seem to go the way they always have done. Mind you, with all my health worries, it’s better having someone around rather than being on my own going through this… I think!?
About a month ago we did go back down to Kent for another weeks break which was nice. We were able to take the cats which is what I need and got a bigger room this time. The bigger room meant we had more room and the cats had more space to run about which was nice for them too. We went for some walks, cooked nice food, had some nice meals and had a log fire in the evenings. In fact it was really cold at that time so having the log fire was great and every night I really enjoyed getting it going and looking after it.
The weather being really dark and cold hasn’t been great either, it wasn’t long after we got back that it snowed and we had no sunlight either. Mind you the cats really enjoyed playing in the snow and I had a couple of walks with all my ski type gear on which wasn’t too bad. I have been trying to walk most days to help my mood lift and it’s also good for shedding a few pounds. I also got myself a cross trainer with my Christmas money and I have to say I am very happy with it. The good thing is, its low impact which means it won’t hurt my joints too much which I really need at the moment. I have used it twice and plan on using it as often as I can at the moment in the hope that my mood starts to lift a little. Well I finally had something positive to say, lol and wish I could come on here more to say positive things. Oh and another positive thing is, the fan page is doing great, over 1250 members now and growing. Lots of people in a similar place who are interacting and enjoying the posts so I am pleased about that…..
I look forward to coming back here and writing more positive things here soon.
My Break Away
I had been having a bit of a tough time for a while so decided it was time to take some time out and get away some where. I spent two days trawling the internet looking for something cheap and suitable to go. The thing is I have two cats and I find it hard to leave them so I try to find somewhere that accepts pets. I found somewhere last year so knew it would be possible so I started looking. The problem was, it was the tail end of the kids summer holidays so everywhere was either booked or expensive. I really did need a break though as my head was starting to spin and I needed to switch off for a while. I persevered and eventually I found a nice place in Kent and guess what… after some persuasion I could take the cats. During the evening I got everything packed and early the next morning we were on the way.
I took the one I care for with us, although he only managed to stay there for 3 days and then he was off back to London. A shame really but that’s how he is and sometimes he can’t handle things or change, so I was on my own, hey ho. Still I made friends with the lady that owned the farm and had a really nice time in the end. I got to see lots and really chilled out and the good thing was, my cats were there with me all the time. My 2 cats have been so good for me with my depression and so on and I have probably said before that they have brought so much into my life.
I had such a nice time there I ended up staying a couple of extra days so I did have quite a nice long break, 10 days in total. I did feel a bit rough while I was down there for a couple of days which was a shame. I also felt quite rough upon my return and today is the first day that I feel I might be over it. I am not sure even what it was, just some horrible bug I have managed to pick up from someone.
Upon my return I had some very sad news… I had been following a young ladies blog for most of the year and sadly she passed away. Rosie Kilburn was such an inspiration and throughout her fight with cancer she was writing a blog and raising money for charity. Rosie’s blog “The Knock On Effect” had over 150,000 hits since she started writing and since her passing it’s almost doubled… http://theknockoneffect.wordpress.com/ Rosie you are no longer suffering and you are now with the angels of the skies, my thoughts are with your family, friends and loved ones… xx
Tough times
A month has passed since I have written here… sorry people been tough times! The one that I care for has not been doing so well, playing up, not taking his meds and having lots of seizure’s. I have been up and down the hospital like a yo-yo and trying my best although things don’t seem to change.
I was doing really well on the exercise front until a few weeks ago and then what with everything going on I just didn’t get the chance. I can already feel it in my body, the last week I have been feeling very tired and feel the depression is trying to creep in but trying to fight it off. I have been keeping busy and had so much to do, what with looking after him, looking after the kittens and keeping everything afloat.
I applied for a job a month or so ago but I haven’t heard back yet, I also enquired about another similar one yesterday so fingers crossed I will hear something back. Other than that still considering doing some restaurant work again as it will get me active and keep me on my toes for a while.
I bought some new skates this week and they arrived yesterday so I had a good go on them at my sister’s house. I went over to see my sister as it was my nephew’s birthday yesterday and spent most of the day there. I had a really nice time there and I didn’t end up leaving till almost 1am this morning so feeling slightly tired today.. he he.
I want to try to do some exercise today as I know how much better I will feel for it, maybe another go on my new skates. Apart from that must remember to find a few minutes and come back here and write soon……………
Stuck
I have been feeling slightly stuck of late, where no matter what I do I feel stuck or in limbo. I have been really busy however which has helped me not get down about being in this place at the moment. I have been busy helping the one I care for clean out loads of his belongings as if he moves he wont have the space. We also have 2 tribunals coming up as his benefits centre don’t seem to have the brains to resolve that matters that have been going. It’s been a case of writing letters, submitting evidence and so on and the thing is he genuinely has health problems! I have been thinking about moving but there are also that are stopping me from doing that too so it’s a case of staying put. I mean I love my place but it’s not quite big enough now, especially with two kittens and would be nice to have a garden for them also. I want to go back to work but it’s not that simple; even though I was good at my last job it made me miserable at the same time and contributed to my past difficulties. I have been wanting to exercise but I managed to hurt my other shoulder last week so been waiting for it to get better. The fact that I’m a carer even holds me back, he’s needs a lot of help and attention and it’s an ongoing thing. The thing is I signed up for this so I can’t just walk away that easily, it’s a bit long and hard to explain, lol….
So what does the future hold for me, who knows at the moment, I am living day by day at the moment although I don’t feel that bad. I mean a couple of weeks ago I was quite stressed which in turn was making me feel down but I don’t feel that bad now. I have a busy week ahead of me which helps and I am back at my place which is also nice.
I love cooking and I cooked a lovely healthy meal this evening, salmon, spinach, broccoli, asparagus with a creamy cheesy sauce, was yummy, life can’t be that bad. The page is growing bigger by the day, 250 members, happy days!
One of my specialities
Thai Green Curry
A Little Charity
I have been a busy Bee the last few weeks, the one I look after has been asked to move. We have been over his place trying to clear out as much as we can as he is only being offered a smaller place. We have given loads away to Help The Aged Charity which makes us feel good. The good thing is they even come to collect whatever items we have but we make sure it’s worthwhile. We have been moving furniture out also but the only problem is the council will only take items at a time so it’s taking some time to do.
The thing is the people asking him to move aren’t making things easy for us so we have decided to seek some further advice. The only reason he is being asked to move is the fact they are saying the place is too big for him. On the other hand he has lots of reasons why he wants to stay in the place with one of them being that he was born there.
As for me at the moment, I have been doing well most of the time, I have had the odd occasion of anxiety but it’s not been too bad. I haven’t been able to exercise much as I’ve managed to hurt my shoulder now, doh! I have been doing some walking however and carried four bags of heavy shopping home the other day so it’s not all bad! Plus the fact that we have been busy here moving things about so that must be burning calories also. My two kittens always keep me busy also and they are such a delight to have and have brightened up my life.
My depression has been a lot better lately also, I don’t feel nowhere near as down and I have a lot of motivation. I have suffered with it for most of my life so it’s nice that it’s not dragging me down at the moment. The fact that I have so much going on and not enough time to worry about my problems really help, so keeping busy is the key.
The fan page is going great, we’re almost at 200 fans now and new people are joining every day and we all share the same understanding. So if you haven’t already then come join us…….
