Once again time has flown by and I haven’t come on for ages to come and talk about what’s been going on for me. I tried my best to get myself ready for Xmas and did all the present buying in advance. I really struggle with Xmas you see, so getting stuff done in advance is better for me rather than stressing at the last minute.

The fact that I am carer and have been looking after someone has been taking its toll on me also. As much as I try to help him he doesn’t want to help himself and it can be so draining.Obviously we spent time with one another over Christmas but I can’t say it was a bundle of laughs. The thing is he was meant to be away and me getting some respite, but low and behold he was back and so starts the hard work.

I have been waiting on my MRI scan results and in the mean time I have noticed all the symptoms which are ongoing. Just after Christmas I started getting a horrible pain in my stomach which wouldn’t go away. One day it would be worse than another but the thing was, it was always there and hurting and it stated to stress me out. I went to the hospital a couple of times and they palmed me off with painkillers, although my mind was never at rest. Last Sunday the pain had been there all day and I had enough if it so once again back to the hospital. I was explaining about the pain, where it was and how long I had it. In the end the doctor admitted me to the surgeon’s who told me they thought it was gallstones. Next I as told I was having a couple of tests and if that were the case then they would operate in a weeks time. The next day, I had the test and they also dosed up on Tramadaol (horrible things, felt like I was dying). Most of that day was a blur as I was in and out of sleep and pretty spaced out. The next morning my results came back and turns out it was clear so they have now put my name down for  camera test to be done in a month. All this waiting and symptoms is all doing my head in a bit and I guess to be honest it’s really getting me down On top of the fact that I found out I was discharged from Neurology so been also chasing them up since I got out, arrrgggghhhh.

For a few days now, I started using my SAD light as my mood has been pretty low and I have been having panic attacks. I can say I feel a small difference but only time will tell. I am sitting in front of the light right now whilst typing this and will keep you posted if it really helps or not. Not sure what to do with my day yet as the once I care for went home last night. I know I should find something nice to do but deciding what is next on the agenda. I am sorry I take so long to come and write on here but from what I have written I am sure you understand my life and times have been tough.