I have been feeling slightly stuck of late, where no matter what I do I feel stuck or in limbo. I have been really busy however which has helped me not get down about being in this place at the moment. I have been busy helping the one I care for clean out loads of his belongings as if he moves he wont have the space. We also have 2 tribunals coming up as his benefits centre don’t seem to have the brains to resolve that matters that have been going. It’s been a case of writing letters, submitting evidence and so on and the thing is he genuinely has health problems! I have been thinking about moving but there are also that are stopping me from doing that too so it’s a case of staying put. I mean I love my place but it’s not quite big enough now, especially with two kittens and would be nice to have a garden for them also. I want to go back to work but it’s not that simple; even though I was good at my last job it made me miserable at the same time and contributed to my past difficulties. I have been wanting to exercise but I managed to hurt my other shoulder last week so been waiting for it to get better. The fact that I’m a carer even holds me back, he’s needs a lot of help and attention and it’s an ongoing thing. The thing is I signed up for this so I can’t just walk away that easily, it’s a bit long and hard to explain, lol….
So what does the future hold for me, who knows at the moment, I am living day by day at the moment although I don’t feel that bad. I mean a couple of weeks ago I was quite stressed which in turn was making me feel down but I don’t feel that bad now. I have a busy week ahead of me which helps and I am back at my place which is also nice.
I love cooking and I cooked a lovely healthy meal this evening, salmon, spinach, broccoli, asparagus with a creamy cheesy sauce, was yummy, life can’t be that bad. The page is growing bigger by the day, 250 members, happy days!
One of my specialities
I have been so positive lately but then I have had a bad last 24 hours so thought I would write down how I was feeling. I just don’t understand how a person that you do so much for can hurt you so much? I have done nothing but help this person and when he gets angry he takes it out on me. You couldn’t even imagine the amount I have done for this person and have continued to do and for some reason he just can’t see it. My whole life revolves around him and even though I am his carer sometimes I wish he would just give me a break. All the time he keeps going on about things from the past and from times when he didn’t even know me. The truth is, its starting to grate on me and is bringing me down so matter if I have been feeling good I am now feeling sad.
It’s hard to deal with any of these kinds of things having this disorder let alone than to have it thrown in your face all the time. I have been strong for a while but decided to come home and get some time out. It’s hard work too as I have to pack up the cats, their stuff, my stuff and then carry it all up the stairs. So for tonight I feel sad but tomorrow is a new day and lets hope it’s a better one.
I have been a busy Bee the last few weeks, the one I look after has been asked to move. We have been over his place trying to clear out as much as we can as he is only being offered a smaller place. We have given loads away to Help The Aged Charity which makes us feel good. The good thing is they even come to collect whatever items we have but we make sure it’s worthwhile. We have been moving furniture out also but the only problem is the council will only take items at a time so it’s taking some time to do.
The thing is the people asking him to move aren’t making things easy for us so we have decided to seek some further advice. The only reason he is being asked to move is the fact they are saying the place is too big for him. On the other hand he has lots of reasons why he wants to stay in the place with one of them being that he was born there.
As for me at the moment, I have been doing well most of the time, I have had the odd occasion of anxiety but it’s not been too bad. I haven’t been able to exercise much as I’ve managed to hurt my shoulder now, doh! I have been doing some walking however and carried four bags of heavy shopping home the other day so it’s not all bad! Plus the fact that we have been busy here moving things about so that must be burning calories also. My two kittens always keep me busy also and they are such a delight to have and have brightened up my life.
My depression has been a lot better lately also, I don’t feel nowhere near as down and I have a lot of motivation. I have suffered with it for most of my life so it’s nice that it’s not dragging me down at the moment. The fact that I have so much going on and not enough time to worry about my problems really help, so keeping busy is the key.
The fan page is going great, we’re almost at 200 fans now and new people are joining every day and we all share the same understanding. So if you haven’t already then come join us…….