Just wanted to say how happy I am today to see this blog has over 1000 hits now, that’s something to smile about! My blog and page are a true account of what it’s like to have BPD and a use of creativity that others can share and join.
Sometimes I feel down and other days I feel good and sometimes I am somewhere in-between but the main thing is; I am living a much safer life that I was. When things were really bad I never thought I would be capable of coming out of a dark hole that was swallowing me up. The truth is though that you can get better in time, it’s not easy but life isn’t always the nightmare you think it can be.
I like getting up early in the morning now and getting out and about, doing nice things that make me feel good. For a very long time I wasn’t functioning so even a walk to the shops make me happy these days.
Anyway’s that’s me for now as I am doing some de-cluttering today which also makes me feel better…………….
The past week has been a tough week, lots of stress and a fair amount of anxiety. My nerves have also been playing me up and that is due to the fact that I used to drink a lot. Some people alcohol damages their liver but it my case it went to my nerves. I have been getting a burning sensation going my left arm for quite some time and also a bit of vertigo. I can be standing still but feels like the room is swaying sometimes, which isn’t that great. I saw my doctor a couple of days ago and he told me it’s all part and parcel of my past lifestyle. I was told to keep taking my vitamins which will eventually help them heal which is kinda frustrating. Guess I was hoping for a magic pill to make it better but unfortunately he couldn’t help so have to put up with it. Another doctor once did give me something for it but in fact it made it worse so will see how I go. I did do some reading online about it and funnily enough one of the tablets I did stop some time ago helps with it and maybe that’s why I am getting it now. The question is; do I want to take the tablets again as they have side effects that go with them as well? Having this the past few weeks has been making me over anxious and I don’t like it when I get anxiety but know how to bear with it better now. Anxiety is horrible, especially when you first get it and think that it’s a lot more serious that it is. Still not great getting it now but I am finding better ways to deal with it so makes it a little bit easier.
I have not been feeling that well since last Thursday either as my throat has been sore and now I have some kind of buy. I have had a good run of not being well so I guess at some point I was going to get ill which has happened now. The night before last I felt so bad I took some painkillers before I slept but then I had a very strange feeling when I woke up during the night. I didn’t feel that great yesterday and this morning I have woken up and I have a runny nose so it’s all a bit boo!
So the last few days I have been trying to take it easy and be kind to myself and eased up on the exercise also. I know this will pass and the anxiety will dissipate and I will be back to my old self once again. One thing that make me smile is the fact that the Facebook page is still growing all the time, my hard work is paying off.
Hello all and thanks for reading, it’s BPD awareness month so time to celebrate that we are being recognised! Also time to celebrate the fact that I have had over 700 hits now, very happy as I only started writing in December!
I have been working hard on my new page and it’s starting to pay off, got over 50 fans that now like the page and people sharing on the wall, happy days. I have been researching a fair amount and seeing what’s going on out there for people with BPD. http://www.emergenceplus.org.uk/ is a great page, I did my PD training with those guys.
Life in general is quite good at the moment, I have stuck to working out again and it’s making me feel so much better. I have been keeping pretty busy looking after trouble and trying to fit my friend in who is in hospital. The kittens are keeping me busy also, the female has just been castrated so had to keep an eye on her. Mind you the younger one who is only five months is growing so much and is nearly as big as the older one now. Pets are really good for helping with depression and they give you unconditional love and they certainly keep you busy. First thing in the morning when I get up they are there waiting for you, I have to feed them and clean their tray out. The amount of pleasure and love that I have got from them is unbelievable and they have given me more of a sense of purpose.
Got to go out shortly to change some things so will be back again soon………….
Well had a bit of a stressful time once again lately, the one I’m looking after has been giving me a headache again. Things were ok for a bit but then he just gets this bee in his bonnet and goes off on one, it’s such a nightmare.
I was having a good week last week, lots of exercise which helps my cause but then I had a bit of time off. I did an hours workout this morning and feel better for it and let out a lot of the frustration I was feeling so all good. I tried giving up smoking a while back but that didn’t work, I felt like I was going mad 5 days in! So I am still smoking, but hey it’s my only vice, well apart from biting my nails, lol. I am a bit of a nervy person and always have been so no wonder when I was drinking heavy that it actually affected my nerves. I was going through a bit of an anxious period recently also which I have written about. Mind you I must still be anxious in some shape or form as I have become rather jumpy. I don’t really like it as the smallest thing can make me jump, even when I’m driving.
A friend of mine was taken to hospital the other day, I was told he had a bad back but then we couldn’t get hold of him. Turn’s out he had torn part of one of his major arteries and was rushed to the Royal London. When I eventually found out today, I was really shocked but relieved he is ok. I spoke to him on the phone and he told me what happened so then I shot up there to visit him. The doctors are still worried about him and he will be staying in for the next week or two. Hopefully I will get up there again tomorrow if not Saturday as parking is a bit of a nightmare up there.
My depression doesn’t seem too bad at the moment so I am sure that the exercise has definitely been picking me up. I might try to do another workout tomorrow to make up for almost a week off. Eastenders is coming on soon so time to sign off….
Oh and good news, my page that I have developed is growing nicely…